In America we eat man semen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
