You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
