May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
