her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
