I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
