Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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