in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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