Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
