A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
