is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
