Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
