I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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