My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Randomize