he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
