if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
