Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
