It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was born a porn star she said
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
