Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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