youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
this hospital has no fireball
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
