Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize