Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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