Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
