Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She announced her abortion via fbk
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
