Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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