yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
