I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
