So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
