I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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