You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
