She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
