I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize