i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
