When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
