I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
