she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're too hungover to prance.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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