I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
