Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
