Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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