I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
