Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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