Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
4 words: hood of his car
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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