You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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