we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
