Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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