everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
