I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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