He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
