wakey wakey hands off snakey
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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