bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
