There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is Oprah even human
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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