he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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