I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
