while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
