Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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