Already got asked if we're dating
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
