so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
