I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
