my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
