Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
