I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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