I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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