it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
