So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
