Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
