Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
