Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize