jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize