I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
