lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
