so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize