There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
